six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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