Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
