WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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