If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
