Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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