"it" just moved
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So much Jack, so little girl.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
