i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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