I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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