Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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