the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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