I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
