I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
try to milk me bitch
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
