I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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