if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
