Will you blow on my dice?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
