There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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