very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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