I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
