I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
