That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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