a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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