No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
