do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
