I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
