woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
