Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
