I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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