1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
