OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did we literally take a cab across the street
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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