yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
