I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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