wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to calm my uterus...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
