you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
