If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
