i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
