May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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