Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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