went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
