dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
