Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
