I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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