problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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