i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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