After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
