So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
