Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
