what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
