if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want to make a zoo with you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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