My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
