how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
