That's intense
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
